The Last BTR Episode - Sept 24 2010
We all thought Jamie Kilstein was the ultra busy man his twitter account led us to believe, but it was just revealed it is just a scam - everything Jamie does is only filler time in-between meals, or even in-between noodle naps. (free time in Jamie’s day = 12 minutes)
BTR has many reasons to miss Citizen Radio, but what they will not miss is Jamie’s total incapacity to do voice impressions. My favorite remains Drunken Uganda, but I have heard that his Rod Blagojevich was stunning. Actually, Allison Kilkenny reveals in total exclusivity that Jamie Kilstein used his allocated time on BTR to contribute to the deafening of an entire generation of children.
To encourage you all to subscribe to Citizen Radio 3.0 (SUBSCRIBE HERE), Allison explains in a few words what Citizen Radio is all about:
it’s like Lord of the Flies, if Lord of the Flies was awesome and had cool music.
Er, okay.
SUBSCRIBE TO CITIZEN RADIO AND DONATE ALL OF YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY
July 23: Vegas Baby!
Jamie and Allison record live from the Rio in Las Vegas, where the Netroots Nation conference is taking place (no one can figure out why Vegas, why, oh why.)
Will Allison and Jamie kill themselves (together of course, cause they’re in love) before the show is over because they’re in Las Vegas? You know, the real Las Vegas? Here is a perfect depiction of Las Vegas, NV for ya:
There are mountains and palm trees, and then, hazy on the horizon, herds of fat tourists who descend upon the city - not like gladiators - much like fat, sweaty locusts infesting hotels and sit at the slot machines for 12 hours at a time, with a bucket balanced on their lumpy thighs.
Note to Jamie:
be·hoove
1. to be necessary or proper for, as for moral or ethical considerations; be incumbent on: It behooves the court to weigh evidence impartially. 2. to be worthwhile to, as for personal profit or advantage: It would behoove you to be nicer to those who could help you. –verb (used without object) 3. Archaic . to be needful, proper, or due: Perseverance is a quality that behooves in a scholar.
Jamie thinks that Netroots Nation taking place in Vegas is a microcosm of why the Democrats are such a failboat despite having the majority in Congress. Vegas celebrates greed, gluttony, Republicans, gross frat guys, rape, strippers, cigarettes, steak… BUT LITTLEKNOWNFACT, at the Palm, across the street, wednesday is Rape Night. Although not too cool with chipmunk rape, let it be known.
~~~~***~~ Virgin Air ~~~~***~~
can suck Jamie’s dick. So hard.
You have to buy warmth - blankets - and it’s $25 to check a bag. $8 to watch Date Night with Steve Carell and Tina Fey. There’s no vegan food, and Virgin Air also believes that turkey is not meat.
That’s a Virgin Airlines turkey.
Jamie behaves like a floridian old Jewish woman. The internet costs $13 a day… and $5 to print your boarding pass.
Now, as a goodbye, everyone should watch THIS VIDEO, which is totally relevent. I don’t know how to embed on this fucking place.
July 9, the Allison Kilkenny Special
Today Allison Kilkenny attempts to change your life forever - and for the better.
For all of you Citizen Radio listeners fighting for Truth, you brave Soldiers of Freedom and fearless Fact-Lovers, Allison Kilkenny offers a truce, a silver lining in this seemingly bleak and obscure landscape of conflictual analysis in the never ending war against the Wrong educated at Beck University. For all of you who feel they are carrying the burden of liberty on their shoulders, for all those whose eyesight is starting to drop due to heavy reading, your ears ringing with Jamie’s singing, there is a possibility to opt out.
Yes, Allison offers you the possibility to be wrong sometimes. It is just a temporary state of mind, but you can choose to live the blissful life of the ignorant. How to unsee the light? It’s easy.
Just disagree with Allison. (#littleknownfact!)
Also, Allison ventures the possibility that she might be a better person than Jamie. Considering Jamie’s history of clogging other people’s toilets, this will not be hard to disprove. We will thus consider it a FACT, even if little known, for now.
July 7, aka I’m So Behind, I Am Ashamed To Present Myself In Front Of You Today
I got tons of cool followers and I hope to make this interactive. You can @reply to me on Twitter (@K_isanasshole) to kick my ass if I forget a #littleknownfact or if I’m late.
This is not a littleknownfact per se, but Allison’s NameDropping song is probably the only thing that could beat the hand-clapping iTunes’ future best-selling single, “Ran Paul”. If you want to start an online petition to lobby for an Allie&Jamie jingle CD, please contact me.
Who Would You Fight Edimburgh vs Montreal edition: the people of Edimburgh are fucking animals, and they would destroy Montréal. The Canadians could sweet talk their way out of it if they know how to patronize drunks, but other than that, the pretty french Canadian town will be burnt to the ground.
“Woody Allen is frail and if you trip on him, he will break”, sings Jamie, to compensate for his constant name-dropping. Later, Jamie confesses to running over Woody Allen while driving on his way to a Citizen Radio meet-up.
+ NEVER FORGET JULY 5 2010
June 18, 2010 - Allison Kilkenny vs The Mosquito
Citizen Radio starts the episode with a very important FDA-approved message regarding our youth’s eating habits. After having detailed the wonders of the vegan lifestyle to its audience, CR is now offering what could become a segment: its food network is now fully supporting the use of cinnamon.
Cinnamon in your oatmeal. Do it. Breakfast of champions.
(NdlR: after tweeting that #littleknownfact, I received a lot of positive replies along the lines of “cinnamon is love”, “cinnamon nomnomnomnom” and the usual “i can has cinnamon”. Thanks for your support).
Jamie reveals in complete exclusivity that mosquitoes are, in fact, capable of giving you the finger. No one said he was speaking figuratively, so we’ll assume it is a factual fact.
Mosquitoes also have tiny mosquito phones (working on mosquito-exclusive networks?) they use to call Allison and gloat about their recent victory in the kitchen.
More to come when the windows will be open again, preferably at night. We’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, I’m going to start watching the Discovery Channel again.
June 16, 2010
Allison challenges dictionary.com by revealing that the proper definition for “octogenarian” is “old bitches”.
June 14, 2010 aka Wedding Episode
Be warned that Jamie will earfuck you throughout the entire podcast.
Allison lets you know that this is sort of like NPR, but you won’t want to kill yourself.
yes, John Knefel, there are fuckhouses on the Meditteranean coast.
Squirrels are creepy, as explained by Mike Drucker.
A few things about Citizen Radio Facts
Three times a week, Jamie Kilstein and Allison Kilkenny sit around The Little Blue Table of Truth and record Citizen Radio, which is like CNN, but with more swearing.
In the heart of Brooklyn, in a place that should remain hidden from squirrels that might fall from trees and cause Jamie’s demise, facts, truth, and other things that are for realz are revealed to the citizens of the People’s Republic of the Internet.
It’s kind of late in the game, but from now on, you can find the Little Known Facts© revealed by Citizen Radio on this blog.
The best way to find out about them, obviously, is to subscribe to Citizen Radio, which is free, cause now your tax money will have to go to BP to clean up the spill, so it’s not like you’ll have a lot of deniro to waste on iTunes, amirite? Go to wearecitizenradio.com / subscribe for free on iTunes / and like the fan page on Facebook, like all the cool kids are doing nowadays.
Feel free to send all the Little Known Facts I may have missed. I also post them on Twitter, but we all have a short attention span, so I’d rather archive.
- Another asshole (but not an apathetic douchebag)
